The original blog of the Invincible Giant Peach

Peathicsh

2010-05-04T21:25:00.001-04:00

My Dear Madame,

Love is deadly, one way or another; If not the consummation, the cliff. My motivations in all fruitful conversations are highly questionable, but that does not necessarily reflect upon the purity of my true purpose, the depth of my love, or the vehemency of my affection.

You are undoubtedly acquainted with the frutility of analyzing scenarios in particular. The complexity of variables which are potentiate in a peachy discourse precludes the possibility of an exhaustive examination. Hence, I will attempt to lay out an ethical groundwork which will transcend this ineluctable pitfall.

We start with definitions:
1. Peach Tree: A vascular plant of considerable proportions which is imbued with the taxonomic features pertaining to its kind. (I note parenthetically that this appears to be an "A peachorii truth")
2. Peach: that entity which grows upon a peach tree, which has (enclosed in its fleshy diameter) the innate potential of producing another Peach tree, and which is naturally endowed with a special attraction for Humans.
3. Human: that bipedal being created for the chief purpose of living most excellently.
4. Living most excellently: to spend one's day in reflection upon and refection of the peach.

Right Is: "that every action should be to the advantage of the peach tree." (Note: Accountants need to see a good disambiguation of "Peach tree" to avoid confusion here).

For in this manner:
A) That without an original cause shall remain without an end
B) The peach shall fully serve its two natural purposes
C) And Humans shall live most excellently, which is by definition synonymous with that which is right.

Now: M.R.P. acted unethically in hurling herself off a cliff because she did not full fill her natural purpose in life, thereby hindering my attempts to live most excellently, and thereby acting to the disadvantage of the peach tree.

And now, Madame, I hope this finds you in unimpeachable state.

jh

Peaches Aefresh: A Rebuttal

2010-04-27T09:40:00.001-04:00

My Good Sir,

A certain correspondence of yours regarding the virtues of particular Prunus persicas was very recently brought to my attention. First, I must make quite clear that I, too, am a fellow fervent peach lover myself. Which brings me to the purpose of this present post.

Please, take not offense at my saying so, but had I been in Miss Rosy Peach’s position, I might have behaved in like fashion. Do allow me a few words more on this matter. You rightly articulated the delicacy of scent and general transcendence of the peach; nonetheless, it is my own humble opinion that the camaraderie of which you spoke is perhaps ambitioned by an ulterior motive.

I have yet to discern from whence that motive stems in the smooth talking of Mrs. Smooth on the purity of one Mr. Harry, but provided time and peachly company I am convinced it could be discovered. In the instance of Mr. Soft, I do believe the provocation of his bellowed implications was the aim of your discourse, for it would not be unbeknownst to a fellow of your intricate knowledge of such peaches that a vivacious peach is more delectable than one of a subdued nature.

Let me be not mistaken; I am deeply empathetic for your peachless state at the abandonment of ruddy Miss Rosy. Despair not, though. With winsome words many a peach before has been persuaded against reason’s beckoning. Perchance the blushing Miss Velvet Peach would be a suitable candidate, as it has been told me that she is one for words.

May you find your golden balance and a pristine peach companion when motives have been mended and set firmly on benevolent foundations.

Perspicaciously peaching,

kt

Peaches Aefresh

2010-04-14T22:12:00.000-04:00

o timothy!

in the peach, I have found notable beauty, delicate scent, surpassing smoothness, vibrant color, succulent sweetness, and... camraderie. Yes. Speaking precisely here.

just the other day, I noted to Mrs. Smooth (a peach I redeemed from the village market) that Mr. Harry (a country peach from the hills) could be a little tough around the edges, but that he had a heart of gold, right down to his very core. She didn't say anything about it, but peaches are quiet folk by and large, anyways. In fact, only 8 of them have ever spoken to me.

I remember the day well. I was telling Mr. Soft that he needed to stand a little more firmly for his convictions. Suddenly, he began to bellow implications. Yes. Implications! He got so worked up that he had a little bit of a meltdown in my... my mouth.

Another time, I was having a very romantic dinner with Miss Rosy Peach. It was just the two of us, sitting very close, looking out on a sunset on the edge of a cliff. I was waxing eloquent about her many physical, emotional, spiritual, and metaphorical attributes which I felt had drawn us to each other, when she suddenly interrupted and said quite plainly: "I don't think it was meant to be..." and immediately rolled herself off the edge of the cliff. I was peachless: a man peeled of pleasure, pitted against fate.

Fate. That constant eventuality which simultaneously defibrilates our psyche with pandemonium and peace? The modicum is insoluble, the extremity ethereal. How shall we stand still then, while the air quakes with verdant note and screaming color? Perhaps balance is golden.

Perhaps to Peach.

jh

What studying long hours for NCLEX will do to you.

2010-02-07T14:59:00.002-05:00

Thoughts from Barry...

2009-10-01T21:46:00.005-04:00

As many of you already know, a few months ago Emily Fisher and I had a competition to see who could create and sell the best work of art. You can view both of our masterpieces on her blog. Anyway, Barry happened to see it and sent me the following message via my ebay account.

Tim, I must say I was absolutely entranced by your masterpiece. The splotch was so elegantly and naturally placed and the attending decor so perfectly right. I would like to suggest a didgeridoo performance in improvisational style to honor your work. I would further like to suggest on a completely related note that you consider invigorating your perambulating pursuit of peachy perspicuity (not to mention articulacy) via an infusion of this masterpiece in a metaphorical transfiguration of transfiguring, transformational, and perhaps most important of all, trans-genre explosion of true poetic and painterly genius. This exceedingly humble suggestion should be acted upon with all due regard to the extreme height of my general and special knowledge of all interrelated subjects pertaining to the delicate issues and eventualities doubtless now under your consideration as a result of this wonderfully (if I do say so myself) terse and coherent little note. Barry from Kg

Better than peaches

2009-06-11T10:56:00.005-04:00

A shop beside the cobblestone sidewalk
Enticed us closer to its door.
Shelves piled high with towers around us
Spoke of blood and sweat of yore.

The pungent odor of edam, brie
Gouda, leyden shocked my core
As we scuffled off the terrace
Into the quarters of the seasoned store

This, that, or the crusty one on the tray

Along with the remnant in the drawer

Compels my pate to hallucinate

And the soul and imaginings to soar

What e’er my loathsome hand should find

That it shall devour

A hair breadth from a pickle rind

Or scuffling a shriveled flower

What I would give ‘bout now

To have a morsel just to taste

Only a slice then I would vow

To surrender forever the curdled paste.

We the peachers!

2009-06-09T09:56:00.001-04:00

O timothy,

it is of utmost imperative that we stem the antipeachers. their purposes in demolishing the peach and its adherents are incomprehensible, reprobate, and hoggenbottomish. They have drunk the wine of incredulity, and now, stumbling in the half-dawn darkness, they prepare a whirling onslaught of despimolitude! We, the peachers, will fight with every fiber of our peaches, we will throw the rottens out!

Strategy! this, as I lay dreaming (of peaches of course!) occurred to me. we must unite under the peachtree, pandora's perpetual pontificate, strong in stomach, to face the desperate villany which unite under any other banner save that of the peach. Hithertoo, we have known the Grapers, the Mangoors, and the Villihudians to be our enemies. Ah sweet comfort, to know thine enemy! But now, those schisms and offshoots, the Nectarines, and more recently the Pluotians, have drifted to a polar opposite in purpose, united as they are in backspacing our peaches, our peachy lives, our peach pits!

Hurl and Pare, Hum and Flare! Let every peacher sing!

Sing of morning cool, moisture thick, juices spurt, and succulence sweet! Orchard's breeze, blowing warm on waving grasses where the hum-hum's warble in tune with the blue, blue skies. Comfort thick, and softness warm, waters cold, and tears caress for pure-pure hurt of beauty known.

So let the peachers sing, and sing it strong,
So that echoes last, when we are gone.

JH

Tillay's Tidbits

2009-04-30T11:17:00.000-04:00

Dear Sir,

It has of late come to my attention that you are still continuing to propagate this preposterous concept of a prodigious fructoid of invincible caliber. Why thou thinkest thee can continue to bamboozle the unsuspecting masses with your deleterious propaganda and bewitching fancies of such ludicrous sagacity is beyond my cranial capacity for comprehension. Let me explain:

I would not oppose your fanciful fascinations were it not for my vast knowledge of the cosmos and its delicate interplay with the time space continuum. In my most recent calculations, I have positively mathematically and scientifically ruled out any possibility of said fruit's existence in any of our vast universe's dimensions. Let us suppose for a moment that peach is p and:

p=2u/x-2

If this is true it would naturally follow that:

3px+i/4r=i^5(4r^2-yz)(c4/p-1)

Therefore one can clearly see that the negative root of the positive integer p would have to be of greater value than the sum of the negative particle vortex which your alleged peach would necessitate were it to be a veritable mass actuated by forces which govern the very elemental composition of our world. Hence one can understand why the existence of such a peach is ruled out by sheer logic of such compelling nature.

In our quest for ultimate understanding let us not seek to beguile others whose understanding of such constructs fails to reach the status quo. May we in turn, seek to guide the mentality of the plebian masses toward more lofty, ignominious and noble heights.

Regards,

Sir Jon

2009-04-14T20:33:00.003-04:00

I know I really shouldn't be posting another blog so soon. Don't forget to sign up for breakfast in the blog below, but I randomly found our Road Trip 2008 CD while looking for something else. I ran across this little video on it that clearly shows where a certain bovine species first originated in my mind. Watch it you'll figure it out. ; )

Breakfast Friday!!

2009-04-14T18:39:00.006-04:00

Good Morning everybody!!!
I decided to try something new this Friday morning breakfast. I will list what we need and throughout the week(sooner than later preferably) you all can comment and say what you will bring then other people can see what is already going to be brought and comment on something else to bring accordingly. Doesn't that make so much sense? Ok, so here's the list.
Tofu
Salsa
Tater tots
Flour tortillas
Orange juice
Random fruits
And whatever else you feel inspired to bring!!
Looking forward to seeing everyone there ( :

The above is just a pretty picture for you to look at while you decide what to bring ( ;

Fruitious yet famished freedom

2009-03-29T18:13:00.004-04:00

A work that thus far seems so fresh. A hurling mass of humanity that some way through the serpentine angles of society manages to call themselves at right with Jah, and that rat race we call human. Where has been the consanguinity that besets us? Has not it been manacled up by the very corporeality we hold so dear; our own psychology? Of the same we slay offenders, and beatify the same. Nevertheless, this still holds true, the enduring presentiment of a work well done is as sure as a simple peach in the morning coolness.
~a perceiver

Happiness as the fluorescent light that fills the room...

2009-02-26T10:03:00.004-05:00

I'm sorry this has nothing to do with peaches, but I must share that, like Shama, I too have survived Adult Health 2! The feeling of exuberance is overwhelming! I also, like Shama, I have decided to post an equally unrelated photograph with the text.
Break is fast approaching; will you be caught unawares?

Fructoids

2009-02-18T11:34:00.000-05:00

Tim:

Thank you for the clarification, most is now clear. The subject matter of the two previous diagraphs, though formerly causing problematic inconclusiveness, has been brought to light by a mutual acquaintance. Though I deny ever sending aforementioned message about fructoids, I am in hearty agreement that the ensuing communications could indeed stimulate much clever discourse. With all amicability,

Allie

Intricacy

2009-02-18T11:07:00.000-05:00

wow. that was, uh, quite the exposition there. now, how about you rephrase that so a normal human being can understand it. by the way, i'm pretty sure you were reasoning yourself in circles.

what e-mail?

-Christy

The Elucidation

2009-02-18T11:04:00.000-05:00

Dearest Reader,
As you may already know, the aforementioned "invincible giant peach" has already begun its unparalleled work of demise that will ultimately conclude in the further judgment, harassment, and lastly the hysteria of all those that seek to be concealed within the dark embryo of its prehensile icon. I am fervently striving to procure your full and unmitigated engrossment in this rather pressing causatum in which we now find ourselves; yes even along with this whole great confederation, which is by no doubt due to the aloofness of a certain element of which has obviously been lacking. This entity which I have precendently alluded to has become such a nuance that in anticipation of the pre-required goods, they were utterly useless. For as much as I attempt to converse plainly, I did sense a peculiar discombobulation as to the exact issue of which I intended to address. To make contrivances more pristine I have compiled a brief rune to add to the senselessness of this type of reasoning:

Oh that today would be the cry,

Of such a random passerby,

To see the sun as though it gleams,

In after-years, yet before the beams,

Of celestial light stream down to reach,

The morbid doorsteps of the invincible giant peach.

With all due respect,
T. M. George

RE: Peaches???

2009-02-18T11:01:00.000-05:00

Dear Timothy,
Salutations,
Your ostensible calculations as to the diameter of the massive fructoid were of tremendous value, albeit they seemed inconsistent with the general sagicity of your persona.
I wish to explore the possible perfunctory present/past parameters of sweetness and suculence, which are of intrinsic value to any deep conversation over the relative tonicity, realities, and objectives from whence we derive the parameters of massive fructicity.
The peach is a creation of undeniable beauty. Well rounded, it's juicy yellow nectar enclosed by a delicate skin of protection, it seems designed to thrill the beholder into paroxysms of adoration. Picked to perfection, the perpetual parameters of Peaches pendulate pensively...... passing pleasure.
You mentioned that I had stepped from underneath the invisible giant fructoid, but you were speaking metaphorically of course. I have stepped from beneath, leaping from the invisble to the tangible, now here, then nowhere. Leaping the streams of metaphor, I have scribed the peach in a rainbow.....
Of course, I wouldn't want to cast doubt on the credibility of our discourse, so I have made this message the essence of brevity, it's constructs are tangible, and it's descripitions quite fruitlike.
It's true that Plato described his forms in terms of peaches, In fact, Kierkegaard was only ready to make his existential leap after discovering that his mother had packed him an apple instead of a peach. Nietzches' writings can only be understood in the context of the fact that Germany had an exceptionally rotten crop of peaches for the duration of his life.
So really, life just comes down to peaches.
In all regrets, without sincerity.
John Elliott Howe the Second.
P.S. True fact, my ancestor John Elliott Howe the First was scalped by indians in the 1600's.

Hint

2009-02-18T10:59:00.001-05:00

I must say, Mr. George, that I have no current recollection of dispatching said email, with syllables such as to excite in you some exuberance. I therefore do inquire as to what you do reference in your epistle which you have posted me. I claim no knowledge of this giant peach that you insist overcame me, nor of how such a possibility might cause an assuagement to your seeming ungrounded concerns. Therefore I propose that you enlighten, inform, and generally make known what it is you speak of, perhaps by shewing forth that communique that I had purportedly routed in your direction.
Cordially,
Jonathan A. Gerrans, Esq.

Another Hint

2009-02-18T10:56:00.000-05:00

O Timothy,

Your ode to the invincible peach was deeply moving. Now we must begin to persuade humanity that life is best viewed through the ocular of peaches.

Now I will venture into the fruitful realm of world religions, as seen through peaches.

Buddhism.

Siddhartha Gautama upon leaving the palace was greeted by the "four sights".

1. A man eating an apple.

2. A Woman eating an orange.

3. Children fighting over a bannana.

4. An elderly man looking forlornly at a peach pit.

Rudely awakened to the realities of a peachless life, Siddhartha decided to become an extreme ascetic, that is, to allow himself only 1 peach/ day. After a while, he realized that life was best traveled in "the middle way", or a diet 99% peaches by volume.

Whilst traveling with a few fellow peachers, siddhartha set his eyes on a beautiful but green peach hanging from a tree. It was just above his reach, and his ideas of a balanced life would contradict any extraordinary efforts to climb the tree, so he decided to wait for the peach to fall. After 49 days of meditation on the peach, it actually fell into his hands,this historic act was otherwise called boddhi, or the "enlightenment". After devouring the peach, siddhartha became buddha because he had found the pefect equilibrium.

The Noble Eightfold Path is as follows.

1. Look for a Peach Tree.

2. Look for a good peach.

3. Meditate on the chosen fructine.

4. Meditate for 49 days.

5. Observe the chosen fructine

6. Compose odes to the peach.

7. Draw and Paint the peach.

8. When it falls into your hands, devour it.

Wikipedia offers a slightly tainted version of the above.....

J.E.H

Peaches???

2009-02-18T10:47:00.000-05:00

Esteemed Meritorious Reader,
Greetings,

I have received your email with great fortitude. Although the syllables therein contained have caused no little exuberance, I do not deem it necessary to trouble you with the irrefutable evidence that they do indeed exist. At times in my life, there has been considerable joy and a general feeling of felicity. But I have also realized, throughout the toilsome years, that there is a certain sadness that must be addressed as such. To readily trample upon the undeniable truth would be futile as well as foolhardy. Seeing as such, I count it a privilege to be one in which thou shouldst place so much aggrandizement. Therefore, coming now to the the issue at hand, the situation concerning the extension of this frenzied dialogue is to inform you of the increasing way in which I have come to appreciate the manner in which this discourse has taken place. For example, when thou had taken the last of the invincible giant peach. This was a great shock yet a major relief to all involved when to our great astonishment, you were located underneath the bowels of this colossal fructine. Being it now that my feelings have been thus expressed, I find satisfaction in closing this present colloquy being confident that it will most assuredly resume at a forthcoming point in time. Now, considering the impending episode, I wish you swift windfall and a continued jovial perspective on your personal vivacity.

In all Sincerity, without regrets
Mr. T. M. George