Tuesday, June 9, 2009

We the peachers!

O timothy,

it is of utmost imperative that we stem the antipeachers. their purposes in demolishing the peach and its adherents are incomprehensible, reprobate, and hoggenbottomish. They have drunk the wine of incredulity, and now, stumbling in the half-dawn darkness, they prepare a whirling onslaught of despimolitude! We, the peachers, will fight with every fiber of our peaches, we will throw the rottens out!

Strategy! this, as I lay dreaming (of peaches of course!) occurred to me. we must unite under the peachtree, pandora's perpetual pontificate, strong in stomach, to face the desperate villany which unite under any other banner save that of the peach. Hithertoo, we have known the Grapers, the Mangoors, and the Villihudians to be our enemies. Ah sweet comfort, to know thine enemy! But now, those schisms and offshoots, the Nectarines, and more recently the Pluotians, have drifted to a polar opposite in purpose, united as they are in backspacing our peaches, our peachy lives, our peach pits!

Hurl and Pare, Hum and Flare! Let every peacher sing!

Sing of morning cool, moisture thick, juices spurt, and succulence sweet! Orchard's breeze, blowing warm on waving grasses where the hum-hum's warble in tune with the blue, blue skies. Comfort thick, and softness warm, waters cold, and tears caress for pure-pure hurt of beauty known.

So let the peachers sing, and sing it strong,
So that echoes last, when we are gone.



  1. I must say, despite the content, that this letter is comparable in spirit to that of a Winston Churchill pep speech. My compliments to JH ;)

  2. Most appealing. No pits in peachville!

  3. Such eloquence, wasted on the second-best of fruits...

    "Man go-eth astray by various and sundry routes,
    From the true Queen, the rightful monarch of fruits!"

  4. Second best? The only one better that I can think of is cheese.

  5. I second Joel. I miss them terribly.

  6. You do have a very very good point there. Maybe you should start a blog dedicated to them.

  7. What? The Mangoors! Out-out!